Bad Dates, Legos, and Spaghetti Sauce
by PrincessBite-Me
Summary: "The knock on the door came exactly 15 minutes before Bard was expecting it. Of course he currently had his hands full trying to finish dinner and keep 3 year old Tilda's high-chair from tipping, as well as loudly telling Bain not to 'tip his juice cup like that or it would spill'." A Barduil Modern AU


The knock on the door came exactly 15 minutes before Bard was expecting it. Of course he currently had his hands full trying to finish dinner and keep 3 year old Tilda's high-chair from tipping, as well as loudly telling Bain not to 'tip his juice cup like that or it would spill'. Sigrid was thankfully sitting quietly with her nose stuffed in a book and she helpfully hopped up to answer the door for Bard while he drained the overflowing spaghetti.

Two minutes later, he was trying to get Tilda's bib on her while she giggled and squirmed at the faces Bain was making at her, when Sigrid came racing back into the kitchen.

"Its Thrandy, Da." She squealed excitedly, before realizing that was childish and instantly tried to position herself in a more adult stance. Sigrid had just reached the age where she thought she needed to be more grown up, since she was the eldest after all. Bard vehemently disagreed with this idea and tried to encourage his oldest not to grow up too fast whenever he had the chance.

Bard opened his mouth to say something to Sigrid but before he got the chance Thranduil elegantly drifted into the kitchen and managed to somehow artfully slouch in the door frame, long arms folded across his chest with a small smirk on his lips at the chaos of the Bowman household. Bard had to suppress an involuntary groan at how good Thranduil looked in simple jeans and a forest green shirt that hugged all the right places. He looked as gorgeous as ever in Bards opinion and he found himself staring for perhaps a heartbeat too long before pursing his lips together which morphed into a smile.

"Thranduil, I wasn't expecting you. How have you been?"

Thranduil had moved into the large house at the end of Bard's cul de sac a couple of months back with his son Legolas, and ever since Bard had first seen him, Thranduil had been on Bard's mind.

A couple weeks later they ran into each other at the local grocery store: literally. They both had reached for the last bag of ground coffee ended up suddenly pressed chest to chest as they both lunged. What had followed was a lengthy and semi-crazed rant on Bards part as he had regaled this stranger with reasons why he need the coffee starting with why it was his favorite and why any other coffee was the worst, and ending with the simple fact that he was a single dad with three children and he needed "all the artificial help" he could get.

Thranduil had stood there with a bemused smile on his face, as this stranger verbally attacked him over a bag of pre-ground coffee, before gently placing it in the strangers cart and offering up his son as a sacrificial babysitting lamb. Bard had been speechless to say the least but once he had relearned how to breath he had introduced himself and formally met his new neighbor Thranduil.

After the chaotic coffee rant and initial meeting they had struck it off right away, they had a lot in common after all. Both had children and were no longer married, both had a fondness for children and of course they both liked the same kind of coffee. Bard took Thranduil up on the offer to use Legolas as a babysitter from time to time and found out that his kids adored both Thranduil and Legolas. After a while Bard began to fall in love.

He was not quite sure whether Thranduil reciprocated his feeling though. Often times their conversations would turn flirty and Thranduil usually gave as good as he got but Bard was never sure if this was just Thranduil's natural tone or if it was something more.

So months had gone by with Bard not knowing if Thranduil was interested in him or not until he had finally relented and allowed one of his coworkers, Bilbo, to set him up an online dating profile. Coincidentally his first date was tonight.

"I'm good. But I come with some unfortunate news. Legolas can't babysit tonight. He has caught the flu that has been going around and would hate to give it to your kids."

"Oh no. Is he ok?"

"He is fine. He has a nasty cough but the doctor said it will clear up in a few days as long as he sleeps it off."

"Well that's good to hear. I guess I'll just have to cancel my plans then." Bard couldn't decide if this made him happy or sad. He scooped up the plates of spaghetti and distributed them to each of his kids.

"No, Bard. That's why I'm here. I'll watch them."

"I can't ask you to do that. I'm sure you have better things to do than babysit. And what about Legolas? I'm sure he needs you." Bard pulled the pan of garlic bread from the oven and started placing it on another plate.

"Legolas is fine. He took some Nyquil and has his cell if he needs anything. And believe it or not-" Bard started as Thranduil swooped in and took the plate of garlic bread from his hands and placed it on the table "I have taken care of children before." Thranduil smirked at Bards indecisive expression.

"What do you think, Sigrid?" Thranduil smiled over at the eldest Bowman child "Would it be ok if I watched you instead of Legolas?"

Sigrid gave a small smile and an enthusiastic nod. "We'll be fine, Da." she said.

Bard looked at his oldest daughter and then back at Thranduil who was giving him that smile that made his heart melt. "Ok well if you're sure." Thranduil nodded with a smile.

Bard glanced at his watch and realized with a start that he was already late. "Shoot. Ok well Tilda and Bain should be in bed by 8 but Sigrid usually stays up an extra hour to read. They'll want a bedtime story and if Bain has anything to do with it it'll be Smaug the Dragon which is his favorite. I laid out PJ's on their beds and they should all brush their teeth, you might have to help Tilda." Bard listed off things as he rushed around grabbing his coat and keys, Thranduil following him. "Bain has a dragon lamp in his room that he uses as a nightlight and Tilda has a small radio thing that plays lullabies by her bed. Sigrid can show you. You have my cell number in case anything goes wrong. Sorry to rush out like this." Bard gave each of his kids a quick kiss on the head and a warning to 'be good and I love you'.

"We'll be fine. Where are you off to this evening?"

Bard felt his face light up at the question. "It's uh… I have a date." He studied Thranduil's face, trying to figure out what he was thinking.

Thranduil looked thoughtful for a second before giving Bard a once over. He smiled. "Well you look fantastic. Knock them dead." He finished with a wink and a heart-wrenching smile.

Bard drove all the way to the restaurant with a goofy grin plastered to his face. Thranduil, walking sex on two legs, had thought he looked fantastic. Maybe there was some interest there after all.

Bard had been gone all of ten minutes when disaster struck. Bain 'accidentally' knocked his spaghetti filled plate onto the floor, splashing sauce and noodles across the linoleum. Thranduil grabbed a washcloth from the sink with a small sigh started to clean the mess up when Tilda thought it would be the funniest thing in the world to overturn her plate also. Unfortunately Tilda's plate landed not on the floor but on Thranduil's head as he knelt down to clean up the other spaghetti.

There is something quite indescribable about the feeling of sauce covered noodles sliding down your face and neck, all of which was nowhere near pleasant. There had been a tense moment of silence as Bain and Sigrid stared horrified at Thranduil, just waiting for him to yell. But instead Thranduil tipped back on his heels and looked at Tilda with a twisted monster face. He growled which caused Bain and Tilda to break out into a flurry of giggles. Even grown up Sigrid cracked a grin.

"Well I guess that's it for dinner then." Thranduil said with an easy smile as he surveyed the mess, guess it's bath time." There was a chorus of 'no's' from his child audience at that proclamation, Bain's being the loudest.

Thranduil knew from experience that little boys held a particular hatred for being clean. Legolas used to come home covered in mud with plant life stuck to his trousers and bugs in his hair and Thranduil remembers fondly what a battle it was to get him in the bath. By the end of the traumatic ordeal usually both father and son would be soaking wet even though only one of them had been in the tub.

"Why do we hafe ta take a bathe when we aren't dirty?" complained Bain, kicking the table leg closest to his dejectedly.

"Not dirty you say? But what about all the spaghetti on you?" Thranduil said, a mischievous twinkle in his eye.

"I don't have any-" The end of his sentence turned into a shriek as Thranduil dropped a large scoop of floor spaghetti on his head. Tilda clapped her hands and laughed at the silliness that was happening around her and even Sigrid found it easy to laugh at her brother's misfortune. Thranduil pulled out his phone and snapped a picture of Bain covered in sauce, one noodle hanging from his nose, and sent it to Bard. He captioned it 'See everythings under control ;)' before pressing send.

Bard's date, Daniel, had to be the most boring man on the planet. He had spent the last thirty minutes telling Bard in excruciating, step-by-step detail on how his clinical research was going to change the world, one tiny dust particle at a time. Truth be told Bard had been zoning out for the last ten minutes so they could be talking about something else he supposed. In his defense Bard had really tried to listen and give this guy a chance, he really had. It's just that the man was as interesting as watching paint dry and his voice was monotone and slow like an uninterested college professor.

Bard felt his phone vibrate in his pocket. ' _Oh thank god, a distraction.'_ he pulled it out of his pocket but kept it in his lap. It was a picture message from Thranduil.

Curious, Bard tapped it open and had to stifle a laugh at the photo of Bain covered in spaghetti sauce, wide grin showing about half as many teeth as there were missing. The message with it was perfect as well. Bard typed out a response.

'Clearly. I can't believe I ever doubted you.'

The response was almost instantaneous. 'I'm sensing that comment was meant to be sarcastic but I'm accepting the compliment anyways. How's the date?'

Bard glanced back up at his date to see if he had noticed bards distraction. Daniel was still talking waving his hands around in small gestures. He quickly typed 'Not so great. This guy is really boring.'

Then waiter came over and Daniel decided to order for both of them and then spend another ten minutes trying to decide on a bottle of wine. Bard left his phone in his lap for easy access.

Turns out bathing children and becoming soaked are directly correlated and not just a Legolas thing. Thranduil was dripping now with both water and spaghetti sauce as he helped Tilda into her pull up and PJ's.

He placed got all of the children together in the living room and helped them pick out a movie (They chose Frozen after a vote in which Bain was the minority) while Thranduil ran back to the bathroom and sprayed the spaghetti sauce out of his hair the best he could. Not wanting to leave the kids out of his sight too long he toweled it dry and tucked it up into messy bun so it was out of the way. He finally had a moment to text Bard back.

'How boring?'

'He just spent the last 20 minutes talking about a surgery he had last summer. Which should have been interesting but he is very monotone and slow.'

'He sounds fascinating'

'I'm going to assume that was sarcasm. How are the kids?'

'Watching Frozen. And singing along.'

'You better watch out. Sigrid's obsessed with Elsa and since you have long blonde hair she'll probably beg you to braid it.'

'I'll have you know that I look great in braids.'

'I'm sure you do. You always look great.'

Thranduil blushed at Bard compliment glad that they were texting and not talking face to face. With all the flirting he did Thranduil was still surprised that Bard had yet to make a move, a move that Thranduil would be quite open to in fact.

But Bard had been very cautious in all their interactions as if he wasn't quite sure if Thranduil was interested or not. Thranduil had assumed it was because he was so focused on his children and wasn't interested in a relationship but since Bard was on a blind date now that obviously wasn't the case.

Thranduil realized he hadn't heard a peep from the children in a while. Silence usually doesn't bode well where children were concerned. He tucked his phone in his pocket and headed back to the living room.

When their food finally arrived, Bard found himself staring down at a plate of some sort of vegetarian dish involving liberal amounts of tofu. Daniel immediately started listing the health benefits of tofu and why he had chosen this particular dish while Bard had to resist the urge to childishly roll his eyes.

Bard had to admit the date was boring to be sure but it could have been so much worse as far as dates go. That was until Daniel noticed him checking his phone for the first time all night.

"Is something wrong." He asked.

"Oh no nothing. Just making sure the babysitter hadn't called." Bard said hastily.

Daniel's face took on a twisted slightly disgusted look. "I didn't know you had a child."

"Oh I actually have three of them. Two girls and a boy." Bard was confused by the face Daniel was making. But the confusion fell away as Daniel began to speak again. Apparently Daniel hated children. Not disliked children no, HATED children.

He spent the next 20 minutes detailing exactly why he hated them and why he thought Bard was an idiot for having one let alone three. After that last statement Bard had had enough.

He slid his chair back with a loud screech as he stood. Daniel looked up at his shocked and for the first time all night stopped talking.

"This date is over." Bard spit out between clenched teeth. He dropped a couple bills on the table. "This should cover my half. Please don't call me."

He grabbed his coat and walked out while Daniel sat there stunned.

By the time Bard arrived home he had had some time to cool off. The house was quiet when he walked in and found Thranduil in the living room.

The other man was sprawled out elegantly across the sofa cushions, one arm behind his head, the other cradling a sleeping Tilda to his chest. She was asleep, one hand fisted in the fabric of Thranduil's shirt and quietly snoring. Thranduil was also asleep and Bard paused in the doorway to take in the scene.

There was a streak of glitter paint streaked across Thranduil's forehead and it looked like every one of his fingernails was sloppily painted a different color. There were legos and toy dinosaurs strewn about the floor that Bard knew had to be from one of Bain's chaotic battle games.

It was just so domestic, the entire scene felt like _home_. The feeling of nostalgia swelled in Bard's chest, a sense of peace. This is what he wanted. This was what he had been missing for so long after his wife had died. This. This was it. Thranduil was it.

Without meaning to he found himself stepping closer until he was next to the sofa, staring down at Thranduil. As Bard studied him, Thranduil sleepily blinked awake.

"Bard?"

And then they were kissing, soft and so gentle it made Bard's chest ache. The kiss was full of feelings and a promise for the future. Bard pushed everything he was feeling into that one perfect kiss. When they parted Thranduil smiled up at him, careful not to wake Tilda. "It's about time."


End file.
